An Irishmen wanting to become a Priest went
to see the Bishop who said “You must answer
three questions on the Bible”
“First – Who was born in a stable?”
“Red Rum” he replied
“Second – What do you think of Damascus?”
“It kills 99% of all germs” he replied.
“Third – What happened when the disciples went to
“That’s easy” he said “Popeye kicked the shit out of them!!
Paddy & Mick find three grenades, so they take them to a police station.
Mick: “What if one explodes before we get there?”
Paddy: “We’ll lie and say we only found two.”
Mick was having his yearly bath when his mum walks in and catches him playing with himself and his Mum says” Mick now that is very naughty”Mick replies “. it’s my willy and I can wash it as fast as I like”
Mick,says to his Da “Da how did you meet mum”, Da “well I was at a dance and I saw this beautiful girl ” I asked her to dance we did and I fell in love with the most beautiful girl in the world then cupid shot his bow and arrow
The arrow missed and hit your Ma
Paddy’s in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him “Did you find the shampoo?”
Paddy says, “yes but it’s for dry hair and I’ve just wet mine.”
Paddy found this lovely girt tied to the railway track ,so he frees her an takes her home and makes some mad passionate love all day and night ,so he starts to boast to his mate about this great find and his mates asks him “what does she look like Paddy”. so Paddy replies “don’t know I haven’t found her head yet”
Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish. “I think it’s got epilepsy” he tells the vet.
Vet takes a look and says “It seems calm enough to me”.
Paddy says, “I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet”.