The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Money can’t buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they’re OK, you’re it.
Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
COROLLARY: If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Sky’s Law: You can’t fall off the floor.