Tag Archives: funny

Facts you may not know, Part three.

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The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Money can’t buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they’re OK, you’re it.

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

COROLLARY: If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Sky’s Law: You can’t fall off the floor.

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funny jokes 2

THREAT ALERTS IN 2011 EUROPE:

by John Cleese: British writer, actor and very tall person

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to”Peeved.

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to”Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.”

The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.”

The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” Warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

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funny jokes

80,000 blonde’s meet in the Kansas City Chief’s Stadium for a blonde’s are not stupid convention .

The leader say’s, We are all here today to prove to the world that blonde’s are not stupid.  Can I have a volunteer.

A blonde gingerly work’s her way through the crowd and step’s up to the stage.

The leader ask’s her, What is 15 plus 15, after 15 or 20 seconds she says, eighteen. Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.

Then 80,000 blonde’s start cheering, Give her another chance! Give her another chance!

The leader say ‘s. Well since we’ve gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, I guess we can give her another chance.

So he ask’s, what is 5 plus 5. After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, ninety.

The leader is quite perplexed, look’s down and just let’s out a dejected sigh , everyone is disheartened , the blonde start’s crying and the 80,000 girl’s begin to yell and wave their hand’s shouting,

GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE.

The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually say’s, Ok! Ok! Just one more chance, what is 2 plus 2.  The girl close’s her eye’s, and after a whole minute eventually say’s, four.

Throughout the stadium pandemonium break’s out as all 80,000 girl’s jump to their feet, wave their arm’s, stomp their feet and scream.

GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE.



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funny picture’s

 


Stanley, i think they have changed to smaller stool’s since we where here last.


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funny-humor

A WOMEN’S REVENGE

I was working at the checkout in the supermarket one day.
‘Cash, check or charge?’ I asked, after packing item’s the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
So, do you always carry your TV remote? I asked.
No, she replied, but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.

A WOMAN’S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She’s sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheatie’s box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

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rubbish information

Show some compassion :  The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So i have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled ‘Gentlemen Only…Ladies Forbidden’.. . and thus, the word GOLF entered into the English language.

Q 1 If you were to spell out number’s, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter ‘A’?

Q 2 What do bulletproof vest’s, fire escape’s, windshield wiper’s and laser printer’s have in common?

Q 3 What is the only food that doesn’t spoil?

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

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