Category Archives: jokes

School exams, funny answers.

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These are funny answers that were given to questions during exams.

Click a photo and they will go into a slideshow.

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Religious Insight of children.

type102LOT’S WIFE

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The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot’s wife looked back and
turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted.
‘My Mommy looked back once while she was driving,’ he announced
triumphantly, ‘and she turned into a telephone pole!’

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GOOD SAMARITAN

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A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, ‘If you saw a person lying on
the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?’

A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, ‘I think I’d throw up.’

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DID NOAH FISH?

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A Sunday school teacher asked, ‘Johnny, do you think Noah did
a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?’

‘No,’ replied Johnny. ‘How could he, with just two worms.

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SIPPING VODKA

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A new Priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done.

The Monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip..”

So next Sunday he took the Monsignor’s advice… At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the desk:

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Why, do woman need men.

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For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free.  Here’s an update for you.


Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
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The Bacon Tree

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The Bacon Tree

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Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving.

They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says:

“Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk.”

“Is, Luis, eet sure smell like bacon.”

With renewed hope, they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There’s raw bacon, there’s fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon, every imaginable kind of cured pork.

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POTENT COFFEE

type102A woman (of Irish decent) of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband’s libido.

‘What about trying Viagra?’ asked the doctor.
‘Not a chance,” she said. ‘He won’t even take an aspirin.’

‘Not a problem,’ replied the doctor. ‘Give him a ‘Newfie Viagra’.
‘What is Newfie Viagra?’ she asked.

‘It’s when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won’t even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.’

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My new blog.

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Another new blog for me folks.

this one is a bit lighter, its a jokes blog.

why don’t you pay a visit and give it a boost

and if you like it why not follow, thank you all.

http://jokefortoday.wordpress.com/

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Funny photos: part 2

Funny Gifs , Part One.

Enjoy the gifs, there’s more to come, and thank you Karen for sending them.

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Building in retirement.

type102Some have asked what I’m going to be doing in retirement.  Well, I  applied for a building permit for a new house.
It was going to be 100 ft tall and 400 ft wide, with 12 gun turrets at various heights, and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system that was going to entertain the whole neighbourhood.
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Fashion tips for the elderly.

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SENIOR DRESS CODE…

Many of us ‘Old Folks’ (over 50) are quite confused today about how we should present ourselves. Feeling ‘young’, we try to conform to current fashions and present a youthful image.

Contrary to what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:
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Woman show your knickers.

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Japanese knickers…!

A new craze has hit Japan, woman showing their knickers in public, these skirts are coming soon to a shopping centre near you.
Woman (maybe some men) will you be brave enough to wear one in public.

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I forward this as a public service, so you won’t have a heart attack when these hit your local supermarket.

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