Sex tips for pensioners.

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Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle

Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

Write partner’s name on your hand in case you can’t remember.

Use extra polygrip so your teeth don’t end up under the bed.

Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act..

Make all the noise you want….the neighbours are deaf, too.

If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

Don’t even think about trying it twice.

Your sweetie says, ‘Let’s go upstairs and make love,’ and you answer,      ‘Pick one; I can’t do both!’

****************************

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…      Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
‘OLD’ IS WHEN….You don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.
‘OLD’ IS WHEN…    You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police
‘OLD’ IS WHEN    ‘Getting a little action’ means you don’t need to take a laxative today.
‘OLD’ IS WHEN… ‘Getting lucky’ means you find your car in the parking lot..
‘OLD’ IS WHEN… An ‘all nighter’ means not getting up to use the bathroom.
‘OLD’ IS WHEN…You’re not sure if these are facts or jokes. (I sent this in large font, so you can read it)

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29 responses to “Sex tips for pensioners.

  1. L-M-A-O then realised that IT’s ALL TRUE!!! 😀

  2. Awesome! Thanks for starting my day off with a smile!

  3. I really do not appreciate you spying on us, Harry! 😉

  4. P.S. i just love your grumpy copyright notice … it is sooooo me!

  5. Hehehe! All too true.

  6. Hilarious! I’ll keep these tips in mind … 🙂

  7. Reblogged this on Comedy in Crisis and commented:
    Fun for the day

  8. Crap – I’m already there according to the “don’t care where they go as long as I don’t have to go” part.

  9. Really funny, that fifth one about … er, whatever it was.

  10. Who you callin’ old? Ha ha. Haven’t read old timer jokes in ages.

  11. So priceless AND hysterical…

  12. New Viagra drops out for pensioners
    You put the drops in your eyes ,and they make you look hard !

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