I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just shit.
I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better have a big willy or huge boobs.
I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think.
I’ve learned that blondes are great, until you ask them a question.
I’ve learned never try to please everyone, you will fail.
I’ve learned that you can keep puking long after you think you’re finished.
I’ve learned to give lady drivers extra room on the road.
I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.
I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
I’ve learned to say F— ’em if they can’t take a joke” in 6 different languages.