police officer jokes

A police officer sees an older gentleman staggering slightly down the street.

It’s 1:00 in the morning.

The officer pulls the man over for a chat.

“Good evening, sir,” the police officer says. “Is everything OK?”

“Why yes, officer, thank you,” the man says, speaking a bit thickly.

“Where are you headed?” the officer asks.

“I’m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body,” the man says with certainty.

“Sir, it’s 1:00 in the morning,” the policeman says. “Who would be giving a lecture on that topic at this hour?”

The man straightens up, looks the officer in the eye and says, ” my wife “

00———————————00

A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light.
The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!
So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation.

The motorist instantly goes  on a tirade, questioning the officer’s ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms. The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.

When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an “AH” in the lower
right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to
the ‘violator’ for his signature.

The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the “AH”  and demands to know what it stands for.
The officer says, “That’s so when we go to court, I’ll remember that you’re an asshole.

Two months later they’re in court. The ‘violator’ has a bad driving record
and he is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent
him.On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light.

Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; “Officer is this a
reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?”

Officer responds, “Yes, sir, that is the defendant’s copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top.”

Lawyer: “Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket
you don’t normally make?”

“Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an “AH,”
underlined.”

“What does the “AH” stand for, officer?”

“Aggressive and hostile, Sir.”

“Aggressive and hostile?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Officer, are you sure it doesn’t stand for asshole?”

“Well, sir, you know your client better than I do.”

00——————————-00

A six year old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa.

When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa’s room.

“Grandpa, Grandpa,” she says excitedly.

“As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!

“What?” said her Grandpa.

“Make a noise like a frog – because Grandma said that as soon as you croak, we’re all going to Disney Land !!!

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