a funny family tree


Hi there…this is me.
Mom said I got all the good looks and no brains.
I love being a babe hound.
Girls make spit roll down my chin.
I have a stomach problem and fart a lot.

This is my mom.
She has lots of boyfriends.
One of them has a job.
She says with a little luck I could be a garbage man one day.

This is my brother Hank.
He is in jail right now.
When he gets out he is not allowed to be around animals and kitchen appliances.

My grandmom lives with us in our trailer.
She smells real bad.
She likes to hang out in bars and drink beer.
The flies that swarm round her are terrible.

My mom says she is almost positive this is my dad.
He lives in a Federal Penitentiary in Montana .
When he gets out in 55 years we are going fishing.

This is my dad’s truck.
The bloodstains inside are almost all gone.

My younger sister Jill lost all her teeth.
She was licking an eggbeater after Mom made a cake and my cousin Jimmy turned it on by accident.

We are proud of my older brother Barney.
He is only 27 and already in the 4th grade.
and can write his own name.
He wants to be a Doctor

My half brother JimBob and his wife. She is a hottie.
They raise Possum in their back yard.
They are not allowed to have children.

This is my older sister Sue Ellen.
She has 15 kids and they all look different.
We depend on her welfare check to get by.
She has a disease that makes her itch.

Jethro is my 1st cousin.
He runs a tomato stand down by the highway.
He once went 53 days without taking a bath.

This is Buck.
He is my second cousin.
He is pretty smart.
Buck is going to be a dentist some day.
He does all the work on our teeth.

This is my sister’s boyfriend for now.
His name is Larry.
He fixes lawn mowers in the city.
My sister says he has a hairy butt.

This is Michael.
He used to be my best friend but got killed by a bus on the interstate.
they passed his underwear on to me
I still wear it.

These are 2 kids we throw stuff at.
There used to be 3 of them.
Mom says we can’t throw heavy stuff any more.

Jake holds the trailer park record.
He once jumped over 7 trailers.
Jake crashed a lot and talks real slow now.
His doctor told him to wear a helmet.

My uncle Marky is still having problems.
He doesn’t know what he wants in life anymore.
He is a Vietnam War hero and now sells perfume at a department store.

This is my stepbrother Phil.
He had a hunting accident years ago.
The bullet is lodged just over his right ear.
It’s hard to understand him sometimes and he stinks like rotten turnips.

This is our cousin Wayne who lives in England .

32 responses to “a funny family tree

  1. Nobody will be able to find this post because you tagged it Wayne Ronney instead of Rooney!

  2. LOL. This just made me appreciate my somewhat normal family.

    • thank you ahundredthingstodo, it doe’s indeed and lot’s more to come, and if you both would like to subscribe you won’t miss them.

      edit:- i have been to your site ahundredthingstodo and left comment’s and i think i’m subscribed, i”ll check

  3. My brother lives in Edmonton, too!

  4. Very disturbing. But in a good way. I can’t wait to see more from you.

    BTW, why did you delete your game post? I got a 404 when I clicked on it from my email. I had a comment for you.

    • Hello Erin, a disturbed family, lot’s still to come.

      I posted the game post by mistake and because it was not ready i turned it back into a draft, not hard to do πŸ™‚

      Put your comment into the save box πŸ™‚

  5. Hi Sara, i think Barney is the best one in the family. Or what about uncle Marky πŸ™‚

    I edited your 2 post’s and put them into one, it look’s better now πŸ™‚

  6. LOL! I loved the part about not being able to throw heavy stuff anymore. Am tempted to show this post to my son, ha ha!

  7. Hahahahaha! Ma hwn y peth mwya hiiler dwi rioed di weld! :)))

    • elen haf ifan, i had to translate your comment and i think its Welsh πŸ™‚ or is it a puzzle for me.
      comment:- There’s this thing most hiiler I’ve never seen.
      But the translation does not make sense πŸ™‚

  8. So bad it’s good:) I can tell your family tree doesn’t branch far from the trunk. Angie

  9. Reblogged this on Laughing at Everyday Life and commented:
    This post is courtesy of Harry over at dribblingpensioner. It is pretty clever and very funny. I thought I’d share it with you. I think you will get a kick out of it! Thanks for sharing Harry!

  10. this is just too funny!!

  11. Great post. Really amusing. πŸ™‚

  12. This made me laugh really hard. Particularly at the ‘These are the two kids we throw stuff at. There used to be three. Mom says we cant throw heavy stuff anymore’ part. I was rolling.

  13. Hilarious!! How did I miss this! All these comnents and Im only just here? Oh well, glad yoy pointed me in this direcrion, and yes it has kept me smiling! and wincing a bit too!! πŸ™‚

  14. My goodness, think there may be in-breeding with my folks!!

  15. I agree with momfog, very disturbing but brilliant. Looking forward to more.

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