Tag Archives: joke’s

Why, do woman need men.

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For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free.  Here’s an update for you.


Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
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The Bacon Tree

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The Bacon Tree

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Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving.

They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says:

“Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk.”

“Is, Luis, eet sure smell like bacon.”

With renewed hope, they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There’s raw bacon, there’s fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon, every imaginable kind of cured pork.

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POTENT COFFEE

type102A woman (of Irish decent) of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband’s libido.

‘What about trying Viagra?’ asked the doctor.
‘Not a chance,” she said. ‘He won’t even take an aspirin.’

‘Not a problem,’ replied the doctor. ‘Give him a ‘Newfie Viagra’.
‘What is Newfie Viagra?’ she asked.

‘It’s when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won’t even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.’

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My new blog.

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Another new blog for me folks.

this one is a bit lighter, its a jokes blog.

why don’t you pay a visit and give it a boost

and if you like it why not follow, thank you all.

http://jokefortoday.wordpress.com/

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Condom factories

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Condom factories
by Roly

Captain condom

This post is from a very special mans blog, please visit.

WHAT IF OTHER COMPANIES BESIDES DUREX MADE CONDOMS….
From GPSA.co.za

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Pensioner jokes

type102Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around WalMart when they collide. 
The old guy says to the young guy,
 
“Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife,
 and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.” 
The young guy says, “That’s OK, it’s a coincidence.
 I’m looking for my wife, too… I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.” 
The old guy says, “Well, maybe I can help you find her…
 what does she look like?” 
The young guy says,
“Well, she is 27 years old, tall,
 with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom…wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. 
What does your wife look like?’
 
To which the old guy says, “Doesn’t matter,
 
— let’s look for yours.”

Facts you may not know, Part three.

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The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Money can’t buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they’re OK, you’re it.

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

COROLLARY: If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Sky’s Law: You can’t fall off the floor.

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The Four Cats

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Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.

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The first man was an Engineer.
The second man was an Accountant.
The third man was a Chemist.
And The fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat, ‘T-square, do your stuff.’
T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and
promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

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Facts you may not know ( part two )

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Intelligent people have more zinc and  copper in their hair.

A comet’s tail always points away from the sun.

The Swine Flu vaccine in 1976 caused more death and illness than the  disease it was intended to prevent.

Caffeine increases the power of  aspirin and other painkillers, that is why it is found in some medicines.

The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when  knights in armor raised their visors to reveal their identity.

If  you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day.

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Blonde in church joke.

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Blonde in a Baptist Church

An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.

This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate.

I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family.”

No one moved.

The preacher continued, “Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory.

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Irish jokes

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An Irishmen wanting to become a Priest went
to see the Bishop who said “You must answer
three questions on the Bible”
“First – Who was born in a stable?”
“Red Rum” he replied
“Second – What do you think of Damascus?”
“It kills 99% of all germs” he replied.
“Third – What happened when the disciples went to
Mount Olive?”
“That’s easy” he said “Popeye kicked the shit out of them!!

Oscar Pistorius Jokes.

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It didn’t take long, did it?

Roses are red,
Violets are glorious,
Don’t try to surprise
Oscar Pistorius.

She didn’t notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the silence of the limbs.

Oscar Pistorius. Not the first South African with a race problem.

When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able bodied athletes, who knew he meant OJ Simpson?

Absolutely shocking news from South Africa.
White man arrested for murder.

Oscar Pistorius. Just because he has no legs doesn’t mean he’s unarmed.

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