On the first day, God created the dog and said, sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this I will give you a life span of twenty years.
The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?”
And God said that it was good.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”
The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?”
And God again said that it was good.
Posted in humor, jokes
Tagged created, day god, dog, front porch, God, God created, humour, joke, last ten years, life span, monkey
It didn’t take long, did it?
Roses are red,
Violets are glorious,
Don’t try to surprise
She didn’t notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the silence of the limbs.
Oscar Pistorius. Not the first South African with a race problem.
When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able bodied athletes, who knew he meant OJ Simpson?
Absolutely shocking news from South Africa.
White man arrested for murder.
Oscar Pistorius. Just because he has no legs doesn’t mean he’s unarmed.
Colgate has created a very ingenious advertising campaign to promote their dental floss and promote cleaner teeth, but before I explain to you the main detail of these images, I will let you appreciate them quietly.
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, “I know what the Bible means!”
His father smiled and replied, “What do you mean, you ‘know’ what the Bible means?
The son replied, “I do know!”
“Okay,” said his father. “What does the Bible mean?”
“That’s easy, Daddy…” the young boy replied excitedly,” It stands for ‘Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.’
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
“Is there anything breakable in here?” asked the postal clerk.
“Only the Ten Commandments.” answered the lady.
“Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good morning, Lord,” and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good Lord, it’s morning.”
Posted in humor, jokes
Tagged church jokes, family Bible, Good Lord, Holy jokes, humour, joke's, Leaving Earth, temptation, Ten Commandments, the bible
Always choose a memorable password!
A lady helps her man to install a new computer.
Once it is completed, she tells him to select a password, a word that
he’ll always remember.
HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?
You have to try this. It is absolutely true. I guess there are some things that the brain cannot handle.
A large earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter
scale has hit Pakistan .
Two million Pakistanis have died and over a million are injured.
The country is totally ruined and the government doesn’t know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
The rest of the world is in shock.
The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history.
Who said ‘Give me Liberty, or give me Death’?”
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Hodiaki a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up: ’Patrick Henry, 1775′, he said.
Who said, ‘Government of the People, by the People, for the
People, shall not perish from the Earth?’
Again, no response except from Little Hodiaki, ‘Abraham Lincoln, 1863′.
‘Excellent!’ said the teacher continuing, ‘let’s try one a bit more difficult…’
Posted in America, humor
Tagged Abraham Lincoln, American history, Bill Clinton, General MacArthur, George Bush, humour, John F. Kennedy, joke, Michael Jackson, Monica Lewinsky, The Vancouver Canucks
I am sorry about getting into an argument about putting up the Christmas lights. I guess that sometimes I feel like you are pushing me too hard when you want something.
I realize that I was wrong and I am apologizing for being such a hard-headed guy.
All I want is for you to be happy and be able to enjoy the holiday season.
Nothing brightens the Christmas spirit like Christmas lights!
I took the time to hang the lights for you today; and now I will be off to the hockey rink.
Again, I am very sorry for the way I acted yesterday.
I’ll be home later. Love you……
Hey Diddle Diddle!
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon.
What a stupid statement, a cow can’t even jump over a fence as it can’t run fast enough to take off.
OLD Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor dog a bone;
But when she got there
The cupboard was bare,
And so the poor dog had none.
Mother Hubbard, you should be reported for cruelty to animals and also the dog should be removed from your home.
Posted in humor, writing
Tagged children poems, childrens rhymes, humour, kids poetry, poems for children, poems for kids, rhymes for children, songs and rhymes, songs for children, songs for kids
hundreds dozens, a few faults and bless them, they go through life not knowing they have them, thinking i’m perfect.
So i have tried to set a few of them out here and when they read it and realize, ‘ me , well they can try to correct it for the rest of mankind.
There will be few that may be beyond their
logic mind control, but with help and being taught how to, they should be able to master them.