A cockney mans day

Cockney Rhyming Slang is not language because it is English.

Some think the slang started in the markets so that the vendors could communicate without the customers knowing what was being said.

Other stories say that it originated in the prisons so that inmates could talk without the guards listening in. or that criminals could hold open conversations, within earshot of a policeman, without fear that their plans were being overheard by the police.

To be a cockney you had to be born within the sound of Bow bell in the St. Mary-le-Bow church, that is in the City of London.

Below are the thoughts of a cockney man as he goes through his evening after work.

The story is translated below, try to read and figure it out before going to the translation.

What is old.

What is Old?

Belfast tourism

Belfast becomes one of the world’s ‘fastest growing cruise destinations’

Full report on the BBC News

A record number of luxury cruise ships have come to Belfast this year, making it one of the fastest growing cruise destinations in the world.

Nick Clegg Says Sorry (The Autotune Remix)

I will explain who Nick Clegg is in-case you heave never heard of him, mainly for my overseas visitors.

Nick Clegg is the leader of the Liberal Democrat party and also the British Deputy Prime Minister.

He made a promise before the election that he would fight against putting up student tuition fees, but when it came to voting he was for it.

He gave his permission for the video to be made and released with all profits to go to his local hospice.

My lost hearing.

I have always been blessed with good hearing, and as the saying goe’s ( i could hear the grass grow. ) But over this past two years i and others have noticed that i have started to ask them to repeat what they have just said. Or if I’m in a room with a lot of people i found it impossible to listen to one person speaking.

Washing Dishes with Coldwater

Washing Dishes with Coldwater:

Can Cold Water Clean Dishes?  This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using cold water to clean dishes.

UPS Airlines

Just in case you need a laugh: Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; that’s reassurance to those of us who fly routinely.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a’gripe sheet,’ which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident…

An Islamic world.

This is how i see the world in the far of future, an Islamic Fundamentalist world.

Their population is growing three or four quicker than the Christian population so therefore they will dominate all countries, taking over completely.

Imagine a world where you never went to school to learn
no books or news papers with TV, computers, etc banned
no internet maybe no telephones, no sports played
no cinemas, cafes, pubs, dances, theatres, discos, all art and statues destroyed.

Your home devoid of any pictures, ornaments, luxury goods, music, TV,  radio this could and i think will be the future.

Americans insulting Islam.

More Americans are dead because someone made a film which insults Islam.

This is not the first time its happened, the previous one was the Rev Terry Jones who caused a lot of trouble and ten deaths over the burning of the Koran.

Then the burning of the Koran in the American base which again meant trouble and deaths and was spotted by Muslims working in the base.

I’m sure there are more but i can’t think of them at the minute.

Embarrassing medical exams

1….. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .’

My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab.’
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs – - - and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald , San Francisco.

************************

2… At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall.’Big breaths,’. . . I instructed.

‘Yes, they used to be,’. . .replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes , Seattle , WA

**********************

My politically incorrect stance on 9/11

Reblogged from Pied Type:

The TV promos have started. The special programs have started. The tenth anniversary of 9/11 is almost here and it's clear we are going to be swamped with special observances, special programs, special coverage. Everything imaginable to observe and commemorate the date. To remember every painful detail and death.

Well, I won't be watching. I'll be switching the channel every time something about 9/11 comes on.

Read more… 116 more words

I agree, it should be part of history, let the families try to get back to being normal, and let the dead rest.

Watching: Poem.

Out side a cafe, drinking tea,

I’m watching the world go by.

People of all descriptions passing.

Fat people, thin people, old and young.