One Liner Jokes.

Enjoy all the one liners.

• Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
• Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
• Marriages are made in heaven. But, then again, so are thunder, lightening, tornados and hail.
• You’re Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.
• I plead contemporary insanity.
• Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
• Always be sincere, even if you don’t mean it
• How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
• I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
• With a calendar, your days are numbered.
• Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
• If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong.
• The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
• Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
• If practice makes perfect, and nobody’s perfect, why practice?
• Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
• Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
• The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
• I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
• Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
• Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
• I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.
• I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
• Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
• Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.
• If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

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