police officer jokes

A police officer sees an older gentleman staggering slightly down the street.

It’s 1:00 in the morning.

The officer pulls the man over for a chat.

“Good evening, sir,” the police officer says. “Is everything OK?”

“Why yes, officer, thank you,” the man says, speaking a bit thickly.

“Where are you headed?” the officer asks.

“I’m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body,” the man says with certainty.

“Sir, it’s 1:00 in the morning,” the policeman says. “Who would be giving a lecture on that topic at this hour?”

The man straightens up, looks the officer in the eye and says, ” my wife “

Swan and Duck photos

 My Grandson Adam  who is soon to be 10 years of age, feeding the Swans, Geese and Ducks in Queen Mary’s Gardens in Belfast. They are only a five minute drive from my house.

This was at the start of November and it was a beautiful sunny day.

The birds will come right up to you to get feed but the swans do not get out of the water very often, they must feel safe in it.

These gardens are formed from the lower section of the former Waterworks, which was made a public park after its use as a source of water for the city.

There are only three male swans two of which are in the last photo.

In photo number six i live at the bottom of the hill better known as the Cave Hill and we over look the whole of Belfast.

If you click the photos they will open and look better.

Jennifer Avventura Award

The Jennifer Avventura Reader Appreciation Award

I would like to thank Jennifer for this award she has a wonderful blog which is one year old just lately.

I’m passing on this award to those that have made the most comments on my blog since i started .  You have kept me on my toes, left comments, and tons of encouragement. For this I am grateful. Thank you all.

Papaprosdokians, A figure of speech

PAPAPROSDOKIANS:

These are a figure of speech in which the last part of a sentence or phrase can surprise or be unexpected.  They could be used in a funny situation, and you may find you will read the first part again.

1.  I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

2. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

3. I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.

4. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

5. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.

6. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

7. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

8. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

9. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

10. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Retirement Pictures

After looking at these photos

your parents could Live

long enough to be a REAL concern to you!

Scam phone calls

Scam phone call warning.

People should be made aware about a scam phone call which is going about and which i have got twice within a week.

The first call was from India, which made me very wary right away, she said she was from Microsoft and they got a diagnostic report i had computer problems, that was the warning to me , because Microsoft do not phone any-one.

I told her that i was able to fix any problems myself and i did not need Microsoft’s help over the phone.

I phoned Microsoft Belfast and they confirmed it was a scam and i was right they don’t phone people, but they can do nothing to stop it.

I have just searched for this and have added this link it seems to be wide spread, please read it, very scary.

asteroid nearing earth

Some day earth will be hit by an asteroid, meteor or comet, Scientists of all class’s are looking to the sky’s for these objects 24 hours a day. Many pass by quite close all the time but their orbit keeps them away from hitting earth.

There is an asteroid called “Apophis” giving concern it will pass in 2013, 2029 and 2036. 2013 will be fine, but observations and tracking will take place and the governments will have to decide what to do in 2029, as 2036 could be the bad result.

The earths orbit is the outer white ring the asteroids orbit is the blue ring.

The asteroid’s risk has now been categorized as a 4 on the Torino Scale. The level 4 rating never before issued is reserved for “events meriting concern.

When it does pass close on April 13 2029, the Earth will deflect it and change its orbit. There’s a small possibility that if it passes through a particular point in space, the so-called keyhole, the Earth’s gravity will change things so that when it comes back around again in 2036, it will collide with us. The chance of Apophis passing through the keyhole, a 600-metre patch of space, is 1 in 5,500 based on current information.

If, at that stage, they cannot rule out an impact with Earth in 2036, the next chance to make better observations will not be until 2013.

Nasa has argued that a final decision on what to do about Apophis will have to be made at that stage.

Smoking indoors

Northern Ireland is trying to lead the way and changing the law to stop smokers , smoking in their cars when they have children in it.

Read more here for information.

Cigarette smoking has been completely banned for a number of years indoors in every building in Scotland,Wales, England, Northern Ireland , the Republic of Ireland and also many european countries.

If you go outside for a smoke you are not allowed to stand near a  security guard or doorman or anyone working, because of the passive smoking.

ear syringing

I had a problem with my hearing when i was in company, or  listening when the tv was on. I felt this coming on over about this past 6 months. So i was very brave and went to the nurse and had them sorted. It was very relaxing, warm and calming, a bit like childbirth i suppose. So here is a little information for all the other people who think they need it. 

Earwax (cerumen) forms a protective coating of the skin in the ear canal. Small amounts are made all the time. Flakes or crusts of earwax break off and fall out of the ear from time to time.

The quantity of earwax made varies greatly from person to person. Some people form plugs of earwax in their ear canal. This may cause a feeling of fullness and dulled hearing. A hard plug of earwax can also sometimes cause tinnitus or even mild vertigo.

Poem: A sad life

The old person died
And i am all alone now.
With no-one to care.
And for such a long time.

Then all of a sudden.
I was on the move.
Going to a new home.
Who would i find there.

Four people to care.
Look after my needs.
But alas, it was not to be.
It is my worst ever move.

Bicycle Ride Video

This video should be viewed on full screen for best effect.

Also turn the sound up to enable you to hear her, it is a little to low.

Do the above before starting the video.

The lady starts of riding her bicycle and soon afterwards starts her instructions.

Its a very short video, so you will not get bored, please enjoy it.

Keep watching your screen .

The video is also great for the kids, it will keep them happy.

WELL did you enjoy it.

M T V Awards Belfast

Belfast is bracing itself for an invasion of some of the biggest names in pop music ahead of this weekend’s MTV EMAs.

Ladygaga

With both the George Best City and Belfast International airports on standby for the arrival of private jets and commercial flights carrying many of the artists, several have already touched down early to prepare for the star-studded event at the Odyssey Arena this Sunday.

Bruno Mars

Fifteen years ago, most musicians avoided Belfast – now it’s hosting the MTV European Music Awards.