funny jokes

Italian Pregnancy
An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.

The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, ‘Who was the pig that did this to you’

I want to know!’

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house.

A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of a Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them:

‘Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem’.

‘I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation but I’ll take charge.

I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse,

a beach-front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account..

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account.

If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each..

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?’

At this point, the father, who had remained silent holding a shotgun, places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder, looks him directly in the eyes and tells  him

“Your gonna  try again!”

00——————————–00

Generation Y ?
People born before 1946 were called The Silent and powerful generation.

People born between 1946 and 1964 are called The Baby Boomers.

People born between 1965 and 1979 are called Generation X.

And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called Generation Y.

Why do we call the last group Generation Y ?

Y should I get a job ?
Y should I leave home and find my own place ?
Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours ?
Y should I clean my room ?
Y should I wash and iron my own clothes ?
Y should I buy any food ?
But a cartoonist explained it very eloquently below…

00———————————–00

My new Wal-Mart job

After landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day….

About two hours into my first day on the job, a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

I said pleasantly, ‘Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Can I get you a buggy. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?’

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, ‘Hell no, they ain’t twins. The oldest one’s 9, and the other’s 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, or stupid?’

So I replied, ‘I’m neither blind nor stupid, Ma’am, I just couldn’t believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.’

My supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work.

00————————————————00

23 responses to “funny jokes

  1. hahaha. Love the Italian pregnancy joke. Brilliance.

  2. it’s brilliant! so funny… great for my sad rainy night… all that I was needing! thank you, :o

  3. Thank you Harry,

    I am still laughing out loud at the last one!!
    I think I have met that woman in my local supermarket!!

    David

  4. I have seen a few like her as well David :)

  5. Love it!!! I hadn’t seen the first and second ones yet, but they’re so funny! I’ll have to share with my friends who wear their pants around their ankles ;)

  6. I love anyone with a sense of humour. Life is too short to go around being serious. Laughter is definately the best medicine. Keep the jokes coming.:)

  7. I thought it was good as well, i have a lot more funny one’s coming soon.

  8. I loved the last.. the others are equally brilliant as well… Thank you.. Cheers!

  9. Call again any time unitedandmore, sorry to hear you support UTD, you were very lucky in the cup :) last minute as usual :) AND thank you for subscribing to my blog.

  10. :) Cheers… Good luck for the season…
    On the topic of jokes.. Let me crack a lame one…
    Rafael came on for Evra late in the game and went on to wear the Captain’s arm band… That means…
    Rafael da Silva has now captained Manchester United to more trophies than Cesc Fàbregas has Arsenal….

  11. I don’t know where you found the generation Y cartoon, but I laughed.

  12. That’s your name fixed, it saves you putting your link into comments.

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